The human delima
by 8annie81
Summary: At a L.O.V.E M.U.F.F.I.M expo of sorts the O.W.A.C.A agents are turned into humans. A lot of weight is placed on Perry's shoulders as he helps his fellow operatives through their new delima.
1. Adjustment

As soon as the beam of light ceased and he was left only with its odd tingling sensation he ventured to look around. Just as the evil scientists had exclaimed he and his fellow operatives were now human. And of course, naked.

To his right the other agent P, Peter formally a panda attempted to stand, but his hips having been wider he spread his legs too far apart and fell foreward.

To his left agent F, who had moments ago been a flamingo jumped up awkwardly. Having nearly no hips as a bird her legs were squeezed together in a way that did not help her balance much either. Poor Francine.

Agent C was doing okay. He was leaning heavily on his knuckles, but managed to stay upright. Unfair advantage Perry decided, being that Chris shared about ninty-two percent of his DNA with his new species.

Agent W had it the worst he decided. He had managed to raise his head and most of his torso. His arms and legs bound to him by his own brand of logic. His squirmed in frustration not yet realizing his situation.

So Perry stood accounting for his new hips and fell into a well balanced stance. His arms were unsure of where to go. Looking around again he saw agent Q with his hands held out awkwardly his fingers splayed out as far as they would go.

Trying to make up for his feathers Perry decided pittying the quail.

Agent O, had her arms folded back so that her elbows faced outwards. It was like the hands-on-hips thing an angry female would do, but the wrists were off. The ex-ostrich was also pushing her head a bit too far foreward.

Aha! Agent K had her arms bent and positioned just so looking like a boxer. Although her knees seemed to be bent farther foreward than could possibly be comfortable. As you'd expect from a kangaroo.

Mimicing her Perry put up a formidable fighters stance.

The other agents took longer, but eventually got themselves at least balanced. Save for agent W, but Perry could understand that.

Deciding he'd done enough observing of his own he looked into the crowd of scientists. Many, like his own Heinz were incredibly embarrassed at the turn of events. What? Did they think clothes were just going to appear out of no where?

Chattering loudly in his new human voice he caught their attention. Hopeing his message would translate Perry motioned putting his two fists in front of his collar bones and moving them away and over his shoulders.

Thankfully many of the scientists began removing their lab coats and dispensing them among the agents.

He quickly saw a new delima as agent M tried to put a large scientists lab coat on her slight figure. It slipped off her small shoulders and onto the floor. She was forced to hold it in place and nearly tripped over it many times as it dragged across the floor. Even as a human there was just something mousy about her.

From the corner of his eye he cringed as agent E (not the eagle to give you a hint) tried on a much too small lab coat.

Assessing himself he found a scientist whose coat would fit his purpose. Walking somewhat awkwardly over to him he held out a hand and the scientist obliged.

However the open fronted lab coat didn't provide the cover he'd been seeking.

He knew how to work buttons with a pair of platypus hands, but his knew digits were awkward and unsure. After a few tries he managed to button himself up top to bottom.

Noticing the other agents struggling with this he moved to help them. Doing a button or two as an example and nodding in encouragement as they figured out the rest.

Perry also helped a few agents get the size of their borrowed clothing figured out. Agents M and E looked to him gratefully.

Then agent W caught his attention again and a sigh escaped his new lips. Still on the floor with his arms against his sides and his legs together trying to wiggle forewards. It was a small mercy that someone had thrown a lab coat over him.

Making his way through the crowd of clumsy new human bodies and panicking scientists having to stop a few times to adjust or stabilize someone-or himself. He wasn't quite sure-footed yet he did eventually make it to agent W.

Gently getting the struggling agents attention which caused a bit of panic. He was wearing an evil scientists lab coat after all. Putting his hands up in a pacifying matter and attempting a chatter he was rewarded with his team-mate looking up at him in realization.

He nodded and began putting the new humans arm through a sleeve. Once the arm was moved it stayed limp against the ground. The same happened with the other. He tried to sit his fellow operative up, but he flopped around as if he had no spine.

Perry shook his head chattering again.

Moving the agent a different way he managed still holding him with one hand to get his sitting. He then looked over his shoulder earning him the aid of agent M who was more than happy to prove herself by fashioning the buttons.

Agent W looked miserable. Perry's eyebrows knotted in concern. It was too big a change. Worm to human.

He knew that, but it had happened anyway and they still had to vanquish their villains.

He looked down thinking hard and saw agent Ws pinky. He picked it up lifting the hand attached with it of corse. With his own hands he made the pinky move in a way he hoped would be familiar.

It worked! Soon all of the fingers were wriggling about and agent W managed a smile. Perry matched him.

Bending agent Ws elbow for him he soon had the agent playing with his new arms. He did the same for his knees and the legs began to move. W now sitting on his own placed his new hands on the floor giving his fingers one last run through before pushing down until he was lifting his rear off the ground.

Perry saw his initiative and putting his arms under one shoulder and smiling as M did the same they got W onto his legs.

It was slow work, but W managed a few steps.

A slow clap caught his attention and he looked up to see a skinny large nosed scientist on top of a floating podium.

**Yes I know Perry traded bodies with Candace...I just. This is how the story came to me. It was a persistant plot bunny, okay? I assure you there will be actual dialogue in the next chapter.**


	2. Mr Sinister podium guy

**Bop bop bop bop to the- oh. You're actually reading the second chapter? Well um...thank you. Enjoy~**

"Thank you, thank you." A bald, skinny evil scientist with an odd and annoying voice said in gratitude to the man of the podium who had been clapping.

"Silence!" The figure commanded.

"No one tells Aloyse Everheart Elizabe-!" A purple beam shot from the podium and at the scientist, not hitting him, but making a point. He clammed right up.

Straining his eyes Perry could just see the outline of the scientist on the podium, but he was too far back in the shadow of a L.O.V.E M.U.F.F.I.N banner. Letting go of agent W Perry made to run at the shadowed figure only to have a purple laser beam hit the ground in front of his feet.

A few burnt off strands of teal hair floated down from his head.

So that was out.

Looking again at his fellow agents he found they were looking at him. Well he had just been shot at.

He looked back up to the podium. And felt the others do the same.

"Evil scientists." The voice scoffed nearly spitting in disgust. "None of you are evil scientists."

This caused an uproar among the maniacal hand rubbing bunch.

A few well aimed beams silenced the room again.

During this Perry ventured three steps forward. If mr. Sinister podium guy was busy shooting at his own flock he couldn't possibly be focusing on Perry.

He noticed a few of the surer footed agents did the same moments later. Good, he decided, even if it was slow going they would get to the podium.

"No. Not evil scientists." Mr. Sinister podium guy continued. "Just social outcasts in lab coats fighting a pointless war with fedora wearing flea-bags."

He heard a squeak of rage from agent M and prayed it wasn't enough to merit another strike from the beam.

He sighed in relief as time revealed that it wasn't.

"You worthless morons have had one useful invention between the lot of you. This 'humanizer-inator-atron-ray' as you call it. And one more useful invention from a foolish individual much to open in sharing his schemes." The shadowed man chuckled. "His turn-everything-evil-inator has sadly been the only success in his life. The rest has been wrought with failure. How trite."

_Low blow Mr. Sinister podium guy. That's my evil scientist you're calling a trite failure._

True or not, and it was a definite not. Perry wasn't going to let anyone mock Heinz.

Slowly as so not to draw attention to himself Perry raised his hand up to his seemingly shrunken fedora and sent out a distress signal.

Everyone's hat began beeping in response all at once and in the commotion he took a daring dash forward.

When no beam incinerated him for his motion he couldn't help but smirk. For all of ten seconds before the beam began firing off and knocking the hats off of his fellow agents heads.

It was frightening to say the least.

At least no one was hurt. One thing Perry could say for Mr. Sinister podium guy was that he had good aim.

That, a laser, and a dangerous temper.

The guy couldn't possibly watch everyone at once, but what with him being in the shadows and all Perry had no way of knowing where he was looking.

He had no more means of a stealthy distraction and movement would surely be rewarded with the same sudden zap it had been before.

So what was there? What could save the day?

Well there was the chance that Carl would show up in his noisy supped up ice cream truck in response to the distress call, but Perry didn't want to have to count on that.

Two things hit Perry at once.

One: Mr. Sinister podium guy had just said he has Heinzs' turn-everything-evil-inator. That's what he'd been firing so teasingly at agent and scientist alike.

And two: He was right under the podium. His new human legs had carried him further than he'd anticipated they would.

A shot from the purple beam wouldn't kill him, he still had his hat and all of the weaponry in it, and he was managing his new body fairly well. That was some comfort, right?

Despite knowing this he was still hesitant about moving. Mr. Sinister podium guy continued to monoluge about this and that giving Perry ample opportunity to catch him off guard.

He looked back at his fellow agents and was shocked to see a surprising amount of them stairing at him, open mouthed. Mouthing for him to go in their individual species dialect.

He nodded at them and closing his eyes for a moment to steel himself prepared to jump at the podium.

He was halted by a distant, but closing ice cream truck jingle.

Carl plowed through a wall before dizzily exiting the vehical. "I'm here to save-."

He was struck by the purple beam and Perry groaned as he heard the familiar manical laughter of the evil Doctor Coconut.

**Okay so I lied about dialogue. Sue me~ You read this far I must be doing something right.**


	3. Evil cliff hanger

**There's no escape. This story won't stop grabbing me at ungodly morning hours. Seriously. It's two am. I could be sleeping, right now. So happily dreaming, but noooo. And I haven't been getting any reviews, which kinda hurts my feelings, but then again I'm guilty of not reviewing stories that I actually go back and re-read more than one once which is crappy of me. Maybe this is karma. Maybe I should go to sleep soon...**

"If you want to get anything done, Youll take out Agent P." Carl's flip-side informed Mr. Sinister podium guy.

The O.W.C.A did not pay Perry enough for this.

He knew a reversion could be done, Carl wasn't done for or evil for good, but he was clever and ruthless. And kind of annoying...

The shadowed man seemed to consider this. "He is no match for me." He said finally

"You _have_ to take him out. He's skilled, ruthless, and _annoying_." Doctor coconut informed his compatriarch sternly.

"Fine, fine. Where is he?"

Okay, no more stalling. Perry lunged at the podium gasping in shock as he was suddenly encased in ice, unable to move, and falling fast.

Although somewhat muffled he could hear Carls laughter. It was an ice cream truck after all. What kind of secret agents undercover ice cream truck didn't have an ice laser feature? If nothing else it would certainly help with traffic.

"That. That's Agent P."

"How did he get under my podium undetected!?" Mspg demanded.

"Never mind that. Don't hit anyone else with the laser, or they'll all want a to overthrow you and take out the mayor or some such thing."

Perry managed a relieved sigh. At least he wouldn't have to deal with any evil secret agents. The ice in front of his bill fogged with his warm breath. He huffed again a few more times. It would be slow going, but he could get out of this.

His legs were still frozen by the time Carl, Mspg was too busy being enthralled with the idea of another, real evil person, noticed him.

"Agent P's escaping!" Carl exclaimed and seconds later a purple beam shrouded the Agent.

Oh. So this is evil. Well.

Perry brought his forearm down sharply, breaking the ice in two. He then raised each leg individually slamming it into the ground and shattering its encasement.

He then lunged again at the spg managing to tackle him. Carl ran for the ice cream truck intent on reaching the ice ray.

An idea struck Perry as he struck his opponent. Jerking an elbow into no mans land he knocked his opponent from the floating podium and cackled as a sickening crack came from the mans fallen body.

Then carrying out his idea he hit Carl with the ray, and rather than zapping him once he held down the button and the beam stayed holding Carl in place. In an Indiana Jones fashion he grabbed a sack of sand from his fedora and quickly switched it out for his hand. The button held, and no boulders came rolling out of a wall, nor did any snakes slither out, litterly nothing changed.

Satisfied Perry turned towards the petrified Agents and smiled. He couldn't let them leave, they'd get in his way, but he could enjoy their company right up until the end. He had only one thought and he told it to the masses happily, "There will be blood."

Or you know, a blow to the back of the head.

**Stupid** **plot bunnys. Enjoy the cliff hanger. I'm going to sleep now.**


End file.
